Kirk got a vasectomy. In all honesty, someone had to stop the madness. I could keep having babies forever. And I would. Clearly. But we both knew that it was time to stop. I can't handle any more children emotionally, spiritually, financially. I already feel stretched as it is. In more ways than one.
Having Nolan was hard on Lucy. The bigger the age gap I think the harder it is to add another. I thought she would be so excited when he was here and she was, don't get me wrong. BUT he has really "cramped her style". He needs a nap when she wants to stay at the pool for another hour. I need a nap because I've been up with him all night (horrible sleeper). One of her chores on her chore chart is "feed baby" while I cook dinner and Quin sets the table.
So I made the appointment back in October. And he went to his consult in November. And he went for his "procedure" in December. And I didn't back out. Because I'm sure. But you can bet your ass I was pacing that waiting room floor like an expectant father while he was back there.
As much as I dislike the physical parts of being pregnant, I love the rest. I feel like I'm in such a good place, focusing on a (relatively) short-term goal. Everything revolves around being pregnant. But a beautiful part of being a mother is growing with your children and enjoying each stage. And the more space between the children the harder that is to do, at least for me.
So today when we were running and we passed an extremely pregnant and smiley woman, my friend said, "DON'T LOOK!"
I can relate to this post so much. When I see you and your four, I think how lovely four looks. But I too am spread to thin in every way and want to give my oldest as much fairness as possible Even with just a 5 year spread, it is so hard to treat them as a unit.
ReplyDeleteWe are on the verge of making the same decision. I feel sick and sad inside to consider it, but I'm also sure.
Love to you and your COMPLETED family. There's peace and power in that thought too! :)